Are you loving and kind to yourself and others or are you judgmental and condemning?  Stop judging yourself and others. The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner without needing to judge or change him in any way.  I will provide you four agreements to keep with yourself, and if kept, they will improve your relationships.

       The Four Agreements are a tool for transformation, leading you to stop judging, mainly yourself, and start practicing another way of life.  With The Four Agreements you can learn to heal your emotional body.  You can use it to heal your relationships and to improve your life in every way.

        A.   1^st Agreement – Be Impeccable With Your Word

1.       Speak with Integrity.   Integrity is defined as  the quality or state of being of sound moral principle; uprightness, honesty and sincerity.

2.       Say only what you mean.  If you are angry, take a time out and cool down before speaking.  Otherwise, you may say something you will regret and didn’t mean to say.

3.       Avoid gossip.  It is pure poison!  Keep your opinions of others to yourself.  Gossip spreads faster than a computer virus. 

4.       Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

B.       2^nd Agreement – Don’t Take Anything Personally

1.       Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their reality.

2.       When you take things personally, you react and feel hurt, and this creates emotional poison. 

3.       Give up the need to argue and always be right.

4.       When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. 

C.      3^rd Agreement – Don’t Make Assumptions

1.       Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.

2.       Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.

3.       Don’t make assumptions about what other people think of you.  There is no way for you to know what is going on in their head.4.       Humans create so many problems because we make assumptions and believe they are truth!  Almost all of our conflicts are based on this (e.g., your partner comes home quiet because s/he had a bad day and you immediately assume that s/he is mad at you.)

5.       With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

D.      4^TH Agreement – Always Do Your Best

1.       Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

                 CONCLUSION

Using the Four Agreements will take courage because you will be stopping the drama in your life.  It is easier to just take things personally and make assumptions, but that leads you into emotional pain and your reaction is to defend yourself to other people and increase the drama.  The more you practice, the easier it gets and once it becomes a habit, your life starts transforming.  Remind yourself that every problem carries the seeds of opportunity to learn, to grow and to be happy.  When going through difficulty, ask yourself—“What can I learn from this?”

The writing of this speech was inspired by several books by Don Miguel Ruiz.  They are:  The Four Agreements, The Four Agreements Companion, The Voice of Knowledge, and The Mastery of Love.  Ruiz is a shaman from the Eagle Knight lineage and has devoted his life to sharing the wisdom of Toltec.